Today finds the Place Family well. I look back on the last year and am amazed we have come out of it feeling as we have. My husband and I seem to have either an addiction to chaos, or a knack for it. I hope it is the latter but sometimes wonder if it's not the previous. There is only one way we have made it through any of what we have....it's not us, it's simply the hand of GOD over it all.
We are coming to the end of the school year and I can't tell you the relief I feel. I usually don't have such a strong desire either way for school to start or end. I have always enjoyed all experiences. I can't lie and say I haven't been anxious for school to start at the end of the summer, I don't know a mother yet who isn't a bit out of patience come August. But I've never struggled as I have for needing a new routine. This past year has especially challenged me beyond my own capabilities.

I seem to be at a crossroad. Not a crossroad of choices per se, but a crossroad filled with new perceptions, new visions for the future, a rejuvenation some might call it. I like to think I'm finding closure with one life and embarking on a journey into another. I have spent alot of time in reflection recently. We are coming up on a 5 year anniversary for our son being diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and I don't know why but that 5 year mark, coupled with all the changes in our life over those 5 years has left me really contemplating so many things. For the first time in a long time...I can actually see direction. For a long time I was just floating through this recent journey. Surviving. Now I'm an experienced person at a life with a child with special needs. Now my experience counts. Now it's time to share. But it's very bittersweet to move from surviving to sharing. Where my heart has healed from my experience, the scars of reality still do exist. We heal, but we still struggle. If not for my relationship with my Savior...how strong would I really be?

I sometimes ask myself as others might ask me..."what exactly was your journey?" Well aside from the obvious, the experience of having our son diagnosed with a chronic illness, (2 autoimmune disorders to be exact)...that was just the beginning. I think the real question is..."well, what do you do when you are forced down a road you didn't chooose?" What do you do? I think it's more like "what can you do?" When we first started it was nothing but survival mode. If I was honest,  I think I got stuck there. You know, how can you not get stuck? How can you not feel like you are in a dark prison wanting so badly to get out, but you have no key and all you want is to sleep peacefully, to wake up and have none of your life existing as it is. No one asks for a family member to get ill. No one asks for a child to have such bad behavior issues, you the Mama Bear can't even find out what the answer is. No one asks for these things yet we experience them all the same. How can you not get stuck in the prison of "darkness" as I like to call it. I label it as darkness because if I sit and talk to any parent who is going through such extreme challenges their definition of that time would be it felt very dark to travel down such a burdening road. I traveled through a journey of darkness myself.  I don't exactly think the God I believe in would intentionally create these hardships on my life...if God to me is light...what else should I call these evil experiences. I call them "darkness".

I'm no longer in darkness. I did find light along the way. And that is why it's so imperative to me to share my story with people. I have always known I would do that. I have so  much to share. So many small pieces of advice, the way God has grown me, what I've learned about the world and who we need to be in it. And the miracles that do exist...that we don't even view as miracles. When you look at a child, that is a miracle in itself. Don't get me wrong. I don't walk around feeling like my 5 kids are miracles all the time. Oh no, my kids drive me crazy just like yours most likely do you. I am such a failure as a woman. I can say that and be confident in it at the same time I'm confident about how much Christ loves me, and has taken care of me. I fail daily. I have been overcome by emotion and failed miserably at my actions. I have been at my worse so many times in the last 5 years, the humility I have felt...well, I learned through this..I can only do things through the strength of Christ. It's a hard lesson we all need to learn. It's a life handed to us special needs parents and there would be no growth if we had no failures.

 I am going to close my messages each time with two things.

The first is a piece of advice.  The advice is: life comes at you so fast, try not to take it for granted. The most valuable lesson I've learned is not that I could survive such hardships but how fragile life really is. You know..so many people know this and understand it because they have experienced losses and tragic situations. Others have experienced dramatic changes in life due to circumstances out of their control. But for those that haven't...if there is one thing to pass on to others would be this definition of how fragile life can be. One day you are just poking along living it like everyone else..and one test result, one cell, one choice, one step....so many small, but definitive things can shake your entire world up and when it sits back down....you might not even recognize the life you had.

Second, I want to leave people with a small thing called scripture. Something so small in written form but so large for our hearts. If you are in the midst of struggling, if you have a child that is suffering with a disease or illness...your struggle will remain. The struggle isn't going to go away. I can't lie to you. My son's diabetes is not going to go away. He will have Celiac Disease for the rest of his life. If your child has cerebral palsy...not going to go away. If your child suffers from cancer...could go away but you are forever changed by the experience. So many things...just don't go away. But the small thing I want you to know is, we CAN become stronger. We CAN grow. And we CAN survive. We can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13

Today I hate Celiac Disease

Happy Friday Everyone!! I hope the day starts off well for everyone. Today I am having a good day. Well I'm forcing myself to have a GREAT day if I can. I have actually had a very rough time since we moved. If I was honest with everyone...since my son got diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes and then CELIAC DISEASE....life is very challenging for me. Actually let's dig a bit deeper. It's not diabetes...or even the capitalized CELIAC DISEASE that has me so overwhelmed. It's the life God has mapped out for me that has been so challenging. Yeah, I've been trying to square things away with God even...you know when YOU (GOD)  hand a person a life like this and say figure it out...well we basically fail. And for all of the people reading this...WE fail so we can grow but man...it's just a horrible feeling. And you see how I capitalized CELIAC DISEASE? Well I'm mad at that disease right now. So I'm taking my frustrations out on it. So imagine a person yelling at something they can't change. Well I can't so I will just act like I'm yelling at the diseae by capitalizing it. And you know what it is? I'm just so sick of making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich lately. Is that not the most absurd thing you have ever heard? I don't even eat peanut butter and jelly...and maybe it's not even the PB&J. I think it's the dumb bread. Well, it's all of it. I have to always think so hard to feed my son. And I have to be careful about it. You know like use a seperate toaster. Seperate butters and I never really have time to just HATE the diseases my son has. And I think what burdens me even more is how my son must feel. Can you imagine having to pack your lunch everyday? Not that packing is an issue at all...but he MUST pack. NO choices. And then what other choices we do have...I have to collaborate with the cafeteria so they can feed him correctly. And I know and can only imagine what a baby I must sound like...and you know what...I'm going to just hate the disease right now. I think that is the healthiest thing for me instead of putting on this brave face and acting like I just can conquer the world...well folks I'm just tired of peanut butter and jelly and gluten free bread. But the bible says in Ephesians 4:26 - Be angry and do not sin. There's more but you know to remember just that simple part of it. To be angry and not sin? HAHA...ok. Well, I try and I've tried and I'm going to continue to try. But right now...I'm going to admit I'm angry. In the movie Pretty Woman my favorite part of the movie is when Richard Gere says he paid  $10,000 in therapy just to be able to say "I am angry with my father." I love it because so many things in life can be started with that sentence. I am angry with Celiac Disease. There...I said it. Now lets try not to sin in my anger. Pray for me people.
But you know CELIAC DISEASE...see, there it is. My anger at the disease...well that isn't the life God handed me. That was the preparation. And you know God...let me talk to God for a minute here...You know God, that was alot of preparation don't ya think? Yes, HE does think. He KNEW...he was preparing me for something with much more depth. I'm not sure how this disease fits into it just yet...well, sometimes I think I do, and then other times I wonder..but I will at some point I'm sure. God tell us in Jeremiah 29:11- For I know the plans I have for you. God does have a plan for all of us. For me and my family our plan was that our preparation was for our son to be diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes..and you know I'll stop right there because many people are so confused about how God made my son sick. No God didn't MAKE my son sick. Our evil world and all the things that go wrong in our world..caused my son's body to get ill. The lack of perfection..the lack of a perfect life is what got my son sick. We ruined perfection people!! Well my fellow sister EVE ruined it for us all. And her silly husband Adam...like why do you men listen to us all the time? Really? Don't you know us women do really dumb things all the time. God made WOman from MAN and the part you all need to really hear is the WO part. That wo is just a shortened version of WHOA. Like as in WHOA stop us!! So it's a sinful world and we started that sinful process.  But anyway...another conversation perhaps...my son got sick with a chronic illness and God did one thing. HE allowed it to happen. I wasn't being punished...see another thing many people sadly believe is we get punished but you know everything is for God's glory. God prepares us in our life experiences...and then he has a plan to use those experiences so you can bring Glory to HIM. It took a bit for me to figure that out...alot of us are just simply convicted by the Holy Spirit and we label it as emotions when really it's like subtle promptings of the spirit moving and guiding us in HIS direction. But hindsight showed me my life and GOD told me...he is the almighty whisperer you know... HE showed me that I needed to use this experience for something greater than what it was. I began to "refuse to believe" and ah I love that statment when used correctly. I REFUSED TO BELIEVE that God would allow a small child to suffer and experience something awful for no apparent reason so I began to ask WHY? What do I do with this? So I was prompted to take in other children through foster care and even ADOPT. You know I used to be a person who said I would never adopt. I couldn't fathom that idea. I wasn't emotionally equipped for that. Yet here I am..with two adopted children and a foster baby in my home and well, that's why I'm tired. God never said I wouldn't be worn and weary. God knows I am worn and weary. But he also rejuvenates me to make this all happen. I have no idea what HIS plan is even in all this. I just know I have to do it. So when I said at the beginning I've struggled since we've moved. This life God has given me...well, it just has me worn out. But I'm confident! In Isaiah 40:29 it reads - He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. I'm still here today everyone...because he constantly restores me. But today I hate CELIAC DISEASE.

Who is the Big Bad Wolf?

How do you see the world? Is it like the story of Little Red Riding Hood where you are innocently traveling along and you encounter this Big Bad Wolf of somekind that tricks you when you least expect it? Do you blame everyone for all that has happened to you? Have you ever had to ask yourself that question? It's hard being truthful with ourselves isn't it? Or how about this? Are you paranoid and so untrusting just so you can prevent the Big Bad Wolves in your life? You know, kind of like I can only rely on myself for anything and I won't ever give anyone half a chance at doing me wrong or pulling some form of trickery on me? Do you ever think like that? How do you view the world? I think that is a really important question and I love to wonder that about people and how they think. People actually fascinate me on a very intellectual and phycological level. They always have. I love people. So..again, I find myself thinking about people today.
God created us so unique, so different that no two people are the same. We are all similiar, all alike.... you know that DNA cannot be reproduced. Like a fingerprint.
Probably the greatest gift a person can receive outside of salvation is knowing how much you are treasured by God. To know that while everyone is treating you poorly (if they are)...God is there loving you. While you are alone, God is there waiting on you to open yourself up to him. I too, I wonder alot of things for example, I've had a lot of conflict in my life. Much of it I've brought on my own self. Really, I have. My family has basically disowned me and I set the ball in motion for that to happen but if any of you knew what it took to actually accept that and write it and announce it...whew, to admit I caused my family to get so angry at me they won't even speak to me?.....HA!! if you only knew how much that held me hostage. So I figured why not blog about it. Lets just break these chains!! The guilt over what transpired between me and family really controlled me so what changed for me was this: if I'm such a horrible person than why is God there telling me I'm not horrible at all. If I am not worth talking to, not worth working out a conflict with and not worth even speaking to...why is there a GOD that tells me otherwise? I rolled this question around over and over. I prayed, I asked forgiveness and you know what I asked forgiveness for? I asked God to forgive me for the negativity in my heart. I asked God to forgive me for hurting other people with my choice of words and how I expressed them. I said some negative things about my family that I felt were true. What is awesome is God has forgiven me because I asked him to. My sisters have not. And if they have...I do not know about it. I know I have finally come to peace with it through praying and seeking with God. God's forgiveness is a treasure to hold close.
I think it is interesting that for days now I keep rolling around in my head this Joshua's Generation concept. You know, the Generation for a Cure thing? Well, look how that can be applied? A cure is a solution. It's a healing. It's where something is fused together and made stronger. At least I'm going to think of it that way. So if I want a cure for my soul....I can seek God. And HE can cure me of so many things. Even acceptance into broken relationships. It is the devil that holds us hostage to negativity. Hostage to how we view ourselves. So with all the conflict in my life, all the really negative things I've experienced....I don't feel that the world has been all about Big Bad Wolves. In fact, I think the opposite. When I read things in the bible, and evaluate my situation, I couldn't figure out why some things were as they were. I struggled with answers. You know like why can't my sisters sit down and discuss this with me? If God is so forgiving, why can't they be? I don't know what happens in the hearts of others. I wish I did. So I guess it's just part of wondering how others view the world kind of thing. I have since come to realize that I might have done a really poor job at expressing myself but if I was honest which I usually am... I felt like I didn't want to live with double standards, I didn't want to live with hypocrisy. I didn't want to live with judgement and negativity so while I handled changing that poorly, it is how I feel and believe. I allowed anger and words to get the best of me and expressed it between my two sisters poorly but it's my position and I'm not going to be held hostage by guilt in being a person who desires certain things.
In retrospect, and in taking what I've learned and moving forward the one question I really struggled with was this and maybe out of this posting it will stand out..."why can God Almighty forgive me, but two sisters can't?" I didn't get closure on my situation because all parties had a meeting of the mind. And adding a little splash of "my honesty" once more...I think they think I'm the Big Bad Wolf and they are Little Red Riding Hood but for me....I think the devil is the real wolf. He's the one who is disquised more than we realize. So if I was to say how do I view the world? I think we have a powerful devil who uses people and circumstances all the time and he is very subtle and tricks people all the time. But I think people all deserve God's grace and salvation. As for my sisters forgiving me....Well, only they and God know that answer but between me and God...I did what I needed to do. I am sad, but peaceful. So I don't have an outcome that is great, but I have an outcome that has cured my pain within my heart and soul and God has delivered me from that burden. God does cure us. He may not cure our physical ailments, and we don't always get the outcome we want....but GOD always does know the right way for us.
Today I asked how do you view life? It takes a level of reflection to answer that for yourself but Mother Teresa wrote this: Prayer enlarges the heart until it is capable of containing God's gift of himself. Ask and seek, and your heart will grow big enough to receive Him and to keep as your own. Wherever God has put you, that is your vocation. It is not what we do but how much love we put into it.
I think that is good wisdom to follow. We could definitely find a cure for our spirit if we do that just a few times a day, don't ya think?

WOW!! It's been way too long. Again. I seem to get this started and then life gets in the way and I stop. But I have had some sort of insight into my purpose. I kept stressing out over where I was suppossed to be putting all my effort. I found myself procrastinating more than anything. But then Sunday while in church scripture just sort of bumped right into me!! I found all I needed to know in 2nd Corinthians about comfort. And then finally it just came full circle for me. It was like you have the purpose and idea God gave you right in front of you. I created in the beginning Joshua's Generation and used the scripture that comforted me and guided me through my trial at the time. And I kept repeating over in my head....give me this answer God. You have given me this life....what do I do with it. You are wanting to use me...so WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? And then it hit me....Keep is Simple Sweetie. You know that KISS method. I was brought right back to what is already present. I am already a Witness for Christ. He made me one when my son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. And then HE handed me Celiac Disease...and then HE brought me two little girls with this same disease and I realized that no plan is without God's design. His HAND chose me for this. And when he mapped this experience out for me...and I chose to turn to HIM for all my needs...he created a great story within my home. Within my heart. Within my reach....I can tell my story. Because my story is NOT diabetes. My story is struggle...my story is darkness...and finding light. My story is finding CHRIST in the center of all that. Truly finding HIM waiting there for me. And as I read 2nd Corinthians I realized....I lead with my story. I lead by my experience. And there are many many out there who will experience very similiar trials. So my story is not DIABETES....my story is I STRUGGLE. And I CHOSE HIM. My story is...finding light when all you see is darkness. So I had an epiphany. And I had vision. I had clarity. And now I have peace within. Because if you ever doubt if you get answers in prayer....I can tell you that you do. And if you ever doubt if you can HEAR him speak...it is not a direct voice...but HE does communicate. So I found my purpose with Joshua's Generation. I know what to do with it..I know what to make of it...now it's up to me to represent. Oh we still have a cure to find. Of that you can be certain I do hold great passion for motivating all of you to join me in that search for a cure. We do have diabetes to fight....diabetes is our struggle. Diabetes is the experience. But our COMFORT is within the ALMIGHTY. Our peace will come through HIM. So lets get this journey started. Lets be leaders like Joshua and make this a generation that fights for change. Change within the physical of finding a cure for our illness and a spiritual change that is about a cure for our spirits and souls. I cannot cure you of any ailment...but I can comfort you through CHRIST who comforts me. I cannot save you....I can only lead you to the cross. Our experiences are powerful....but CHRIST is almighty. He is MIGHTY to SAVE.

Time Does Heal All Things

Wow........how fast time flies. It has been almost a year since I last posted and so much stuff has changed. When I look back at how long it has been since Joshua has first been diagnosed it was such a painful period of adjustment. It isn't until hindsight is present that you realize where you have been and how far you have come.
As Thanksgiving rolls around here in two days I just want to spend it being Thankful. Not in your typical way that you are expected to do because the holiday tells us to do it........but really be thankful in ways you don't really know about until you experience loss of certain things in your life, loss of life as you knew it, a loss of innocence to certain things and life altering events that force you to adjust to life differently........ on the other side of your experience you either never adjust and struggle daily or you accept things and then just be thankful. I can say from experience getting there is the hard part but it does happen. So I want to be Thankful. Through all of this we could have been dealt something where there was no outcome for life. Cancer, blindness, deafness, things that one obviously adjusts too but much more loss than what we encountered. I always remember that it could have been worse. I don't want to think of US this holiday season..........I want to think of others because those that do have cancer.......those that have gone blind or deaf.........they need our prayers. They need us. We've come out of this experience with Type 1 Diabetes.........completely grateful and Thankful. We still have life and Joshua is actually very healthy.
When Christmas rolls around next month.......I want to spend that giving back. I look at my life and one thing we have been forced to do is simplify it. The tasks involved with diabetes management, with carb control and sugar balances and then you add Celiac Stuff on top of it.......I sometimes think that life cannot be anymore complicated or time consuming. It actually could but on my plate is enough. So as a family we did inventory. We took stock and we cleaned "house". From the inside out of ourselves. We decluttered ourselves and then followed with a complete decluttering of our home. Because so much goes into our small child, we had to make everything we did more simple and you know what.............it has paid off. With an awesome 7.4% on his A1C test this past month.......it tells us that we are getting good control of things. We started at an A1C test of 12%. IT tells us that simple is best. So when someone says keep it simple stupid..........I can absolutely say AMEN. Simple is so much easier. And when someone says Don't Sweat the Small Stuff............I can say AMEN to that too because the small stuff is so irrelevant to the really big stuff. When someone says let it go..........I absolutely can do that now. What mattered before doesn't matter now and what didn't matter before matters like it never did. And so I want to give back........I want to give to those that are really alone. Or really suffering because in spite of all that has been handed to us..........someone out there has it much worse. I have learned to count my blessings. I have learned that we can be examples of things more than we have to be victims of things. We are better people because of our son being diagnosed with diabetes. We are stronger and wiser. We are more vulnerable. We are more aware of others rather than ourselves. We are more willing to sacrifice for the sake of a family member more than we are for our own selves.
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Merry Christmas To All. May God Bless you and May all you ever pray for be answered.

Time............Heals All Wounds?

WOW!! Where have I been? It has been 5 months since I have published a post. I had a couple saved and will go back and update them but for now I have to get back on track with posting. So where have I been? You know I have been overcoming and adjusting. In the year and 3 months since Joshua was diagnosed our lives have totally transformed into such different paths and things from where we were prior to that really scary day. We moved in August (the one year mark for diagnosis), got settled, I started a new part time job, got completely involved in my new job maybe for sanity reasons........who the heck knows but it is interesting to where we were and where we are now. In the last 5 months since I have posted I really was adjusting to Celiac Disease on top of diabetes. That one threw us for a really big loop. So today as I write this, I am feeling the holiday spirit with Christmas fast approaching which is something I didn't really even recognize last year. I have to say that we are feeling good about where we have gotten with diabetes/celiac, we are feeling more confident with how we handle it and deal with it and we are stronger people now because of this last year.

I think that if I had to define what is different is it doesn't seem so dark like it did. The only way I can describe a life altering diagnosis to others is you feel stuck in a really dark place for awhile. It's a lonely place too. When I look back I have certain specific instances of time that something stands out for example when Joshua had his first low, when he got his pump, his first Halloween as a diabetic etc. but really to summarize my entire first year feels like this block of time that is a dark blur. It's as if I can go to a calendar and take a black marker and just blackout months of time where it was blurry and dark. You know when companies black out certain dates you aren't allowed to take a vacation? That is how my life feels, a big blackout with our diagnosis for awhile but we were certainly not on vacation for all those months of adjusting......of that I specifically remember. BUT...........there really is a but to all of this, there's a however, a on the other hand or even if you want to say on the other side of the token.... whichever way you want to phrase it.........there is truly light at the end of the tunnel. It just takes a while.
My message I really want to deliver to everyone is Yes there is light at the end of the tunnel and there is hope. The pain you do carry with you. It's a small little stab that eases but you will carry that little small twinge of "why?". You will always remember diagnosis, you will reflect on the 3 days in the hospital as agonizing acceptance because you have no choice but to accept this agonizing reality. It's a very surreal 3 days. You seem to have a difficult time catching up to the fact that just the day before life was moving along and then "what happened?". You will carry this sadness in your heart and memory bank because no matter what way you look at it your child has to do different things than the average person. "Will they handle it, or will they not? How does he/she feel about doing this?" So you are sad when you are with all the other children and you have to do a bloosugar check. It's a sadness we live with, but somehow just move forward knowing it. Your life consists of all these interruptions of BS checks, carb counting and injections. You don't ever get away from the reminders that are daily. And you don't ever get away from realizing you are now different. So how does anyone find light at the end of the tunnel in all of this dark stuff. It is dark. It is difficult. And no where is any of this easy. I know, I am living it. It is truly one of the hardest things I have ever had to face and adjust to.........so how did I find light at the end of the tunnel? On some days I am still searching.......but I find it in a simple thing called GRACE. I reflect on that feeling or thought when I am troubled and it lifts me up. The Websters definition for Grace is: b: a virtue coming from God b archaic : mercy , pardon c: a special favor : privilege d: disposition to or an act or instance of kindness, courtesy, or clemency e: a temporary exemption : reprieve3 a: a charming or attractive trait or characteristic b: a pleasing appearance or effect :
I think the thing that I focus most on in finding my own light at the end of our personal tunnel of darkenss is that if God has chosen for my child to have diabetes.......are we as parents or Joshua not the lucky ones that he was not chosen to bear much more than diabetes? Am I not lucky to still have my child with a life sentence of management and not a death sentence? My light rest in two facts. One.......I have proven I can do this and as hard as it is.........some mothers out there are caring for invalid children and unresponsive children, or how about those watching their children die a slow death of cancer? That is agonizing to live and I am not living that. I am possibly one of the lucky ones with that fact. I am coping and managing. The other fact is once you start to manage diabetes...........you realize you still have his life in your hands. It is simply minus a pancreas. There are healthy people with diabetes all around...........and it's them that give me hope for my child. We don't focus on the negative we focus on the positive. I have life and health for my child. My challenge is simply much much harder to manage then others. And that is the only place I or Josh is different. The only thing that should ever be different between your child and another is to simply say "his pancreas doesn't work" and it stops there.
So everyone.........find your blessings and dwell upon them because it those blessings that will be your salvation. But just remember the darkness is normal................and there really is light at the end of the tunnel. You just have to keep moving forward and you will eventually find it. All in due time.

Time sure does fly before you realize more of it has passed you by than you realized. Life just keeps moving so when Friday rolls around I am still stuck back on Wednesday. The JDRF Walk is fast approaching and it's time to start collecting the donations. This is the one time you realize how many kids (and adults) are affected by Type 1 Diabetes. And you know all we can do is plug away at finding a cure. I read tonight on a site that Diabetes takes 17-27 years off of your life. That's just wonderful news for a mom.........don't ya think? But some people are great inspirations and prove that living a healthy lifestyle is necessary and it can be done.
We have been making our transition over to Gluten-Free Food. Joshua, diagnosed in May with Celiac Disease is doing ok. The doctor says absolutely NO GLUTEN........to the point that we can't use the same toaster for him, the condiments have to be squeeze tops to avoid cross contamination and there is Joshua taking finger bites of food on the counter..................because he is hungry and doesn't get why he can't eat the same macaroni as his sister. Yet............he is completely loving his special food. It's like the hardest thing to teach your 4 year old he is allergic to "wheat". So for transitioning over we are doing ok...............but with learning food my husband and I find our opinion is that Celiac is harder.............diabetes was scarier. That is the difference. Food isn't scary.........................sticking needles in your child and being a full-time pancreas...............now THAT is scary. Needless to say.......................we are just now "functioning" with gluten free products. I got past the hump of not feeding him the wheat filled products and feeding him what he needs to eat................now I have to actually memorize and learn what brands everything is and where I get it.
Today Josh told me he didn't want the pump anymore. I asked him why and he said he just didn't want it. I asked him if he wanted to go back to the shots and he said no to that as well. I think he is having a day he is tired of diabetes. And you feel bad because you can't take it away for him. I think today he just wanted to be normal. I read in a book about two brothers where the mom described when they reached the year mark of her children having diabetes for some reason the kids mourn the fact they will never be "normal". The reality seems to hit them that this won't go away, it won't end and it is just how it is. We are going to be coming up on the year mark in August. I would love for people to post their anniversary stories here if you could. It would be interesting to know what
For now we will still be pumping it.
Send in your stories of your first anniversaries..............would live to hear the stories.
Thanks,
Michelle